I used to have a very organized way of planning out my day and tending to the details of life. Whether that was cleaning, cooking, exercising, social outings, journaling, or TV. While I am still that way in some moments, life with a toddler has helped me let go of the rigidity with which I lived and experienced life.
Pre-baby I was super efficient, productive, quick and focused with my schedule. Now with baby, it’s not that I don’t try to be the opposite of those things; in fact some days I still try. However, the pace of life has changed and most days it takes 45 minutes or more to get out of the house and into the car to trek baby and diaper bag and gym bag all the way into the YMCA with all our stuff… I feel like a sweaty chaotic mess by the time I drop her off at Y daycare.
And then the other day I thought, “Dang, the old me would have thrown in the towel with such obstacles and just not go”. The me now, well she still made it to the gym to run and swim *despite of and in the midst of it looking and feeling messy*. It wasn’t as organized or as clean cut as it used to be. I take longer and move slower and … it’s exactly what I needed. To slow down.
This lesson has transferred across life’s spheres for me. In the midst of feeling unorganized, messy and chaotic. Despite something not being efficient, productive, or super focused… What if I still showed up and committed myself to what I am wanting and going for? What if slowing down and taking my time is the *key* to making it all work and feeling good about it? What if the messiness is essential to the fullness of life?
It’s left me thinking a lot about embracing the messes of life and showing up covered in dirt and grime. Wooo here I am! Raw and true and ready to play in the mud. If I keep waiting for it to be clean and tidy, it’ll never happen. And that goes for everything, including truly living.